"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!