If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Soon

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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nice kid... want another?

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!