Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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my dick is 2 inches

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!