*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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-I love you.

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!