Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +37

why are you you touching me ????

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

thumb_up thumb_down +25

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

thumb_up thumb_down -70

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!