my dick is 2 inches

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Male: Get in the van.

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!