Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Hello children! :D

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Male: Get in the van.

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!