If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down -134

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

thumb_up thumb_down +214

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

thumb_up thumb_down +91

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

thumb_up thumb_down -65

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +128

hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!