Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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greetings clarisse...

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Welcome to DIE!

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!