Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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all in all it was a good orgy

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!