Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Lesbihonest

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Penis. I got it

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!