Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!