Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!