Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

Your skin would make a nice coat.

Your body would look good in my trunk.

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!