are you on fire?

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

"You'll do."

You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

hey bitch

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!