Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

you actually look alright with the lights on.

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

"Don't scream"

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

Drink this!

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!