Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down +28

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

thumb_up thumb_down -113

How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

I love Mark Wahlberg!

thumb_up thumb_down -94

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

thumb_up thumb_down -159

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

thumb_up thumb_down +118

WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

thumb_up thumb_down -148

Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -181

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

thumb_up thumb_down +182

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +126

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!