Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!