I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!