-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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You allergic to semen?

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!