Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!