Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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You allergic to semen?

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!