I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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You allergic to semen?

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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I hate you already.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!