Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!