What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!