Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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free candy....

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!