- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch flushes the toilet

I hate you already.

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

Man: Dayuuuum slaps ass Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: sigh Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book