- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

My therapist says I should meet new people.

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: shatters Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book