-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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I'll punch ya!

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!