You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

I'll punch ya!

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

will you marry me

HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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