there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

I'll punch ya!

Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

So, you're a girl, huh?

Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

I think I shit myself

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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