Eat me, I'm organic!

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!