Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!