- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book