-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

Your body would look good in my trunk.

You look... clean

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Walking to your car alone later?

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!