Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

I have no gag reflex.

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

Your body would look good in my trunk.

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

You look... clean

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!