-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

Walking to your car alone later?

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

You look... clean

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

I have no gag reflex.

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

"Don't scream"

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

you actually look alright with the lights on.

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!