-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

You look... clean

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

"Don't scream"

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

I have no gag reflex.

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!