My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Are your prices by the hour

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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hey bitch

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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