- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +13

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -568

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -244

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +459

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down -940

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +445

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

thumb_up thumb_down -165

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +158

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +108

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

thumb_up thumb_down +56

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +268

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -192

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

thumb_up thumb_down

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

thumb_up thumb_down +184

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!