Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!