Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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imgonna r@pe you

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Nice legs what time do they open

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!