- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

why are you you touching me ????

-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

sound of zipper

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

greetings clarisse...

Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

Male: Get in the van.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book