On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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"You'll do."

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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greetings clarisse...

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!