Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +291

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

thumb_up thumb_down +130

You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

thumb_up thumb_down -30

hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down +108

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

thumb_up thumb_down +42

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

thumb_up thumb_down -38

You look... clean

thumb_up thumb_down +118

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!