Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!