-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!