Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!