Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!