Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

Do you want to see something swell?

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!