Does it smell in here or it just you?

thumb_up thumb_down -126

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

thumb_up thumb_down +6

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down -101

are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

all in all it was a good orgy

thumb_up thumb_down +184

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

thumb_up thumb_down

Eat me, I'm organic!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

thumb_up thumb_down +77

I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down -55

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

thumb_up thumb_down -148

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!