- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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you look like my mother

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!