You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Anti-Pickup Line

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