2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Drink this!

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!