Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

thumb_up thumb_down +153

Have you met Ted?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +157

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -93

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +330

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

thumb_up thumb_down +2

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

thumb_up thumb_down +145

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

thumb_up thumb_down -85

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

thumb_up thumb_down -136

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

thumb_up thumb_down +199

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -121

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

thumb_up thumb_down +248

I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down +16

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!