are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

thumb_up thumb_down -150

-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

thumb_up thumb_down +461

What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -115

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Damn you look good in beer goggles.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -7

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

thumb_up thumb_down -112

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down

-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

thumb_up thumb_down +354

- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!