Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Have you met Ted?

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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can i take a dump in your mouth?

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!