M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Sex?

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!