If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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You look exactly like my sister.

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!