my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!